Nice to be a Neese

Blessings

2012-01-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes.
Here are a few ways I have been blessed the past few days...
1)Nurse Dan found a good vein, right away...no blown veins, no pain!
2)Bellen has been sleeping all night~finally (since that sweet little baby is about to be 1!)
3)Many sweet people have brought us meals
4)I have found a medicine that holds back much of bothersome physical side effects for this particular treatment...no tingly hands (ok, a little tingly, but bear-able!)

I love the Lord, because he has heard My voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me. Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
Gracious is the Lord and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low and he saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
Psalm 116:1-2, 5-7

4 of my favorite blessings

Food for Thought

2012-01-23T23:37:00.000-08:00

Jason and I drove up to Visalia this weekend for our belated "Going Away" Gathering at Grace Community. The trip gave us some good car communication time (the best kind when because there are no distractions and you are stuck with each other!). We were talking about prayer...whether or not it changes ones circumstances... We talked about the idea of "fake it til ya feel it". Which is what I am currently trying to practice. Loving God because I know He is good.
Because of my "circumstance" I may not feel it. But, my feelings will follow.
Years ago, I remember being in a Bible Study where we talked about not letting your circumstances determine your attitude. As women, this is especially challenging because we are so passionate and emotionally driven (not all, but most more then men). I have also been thinking about where I placed, and temporarily lost, my "eternal perspective glasses". This happens on occasion. I take them off and set them down, not remembering that I even have them. Then, I get in some kind of tizzy, that lasts a short period of time, or until it dawns on me...I have taken my eternal perspective glasses off and have been looking at things all wrong.
We were not created for this world. This world is not how God intended it to be. This is all SO temporary. Even my situation is so temporary, especially compared to others who live with their situation permanently. But even theirs is temporary, though the pain here on earth(emotional or physical) may seem unbearable, it will indeed subside on that glorious day when we fall at the feet of our creator.
They lay their crowns before the throne and say,
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things. and by your will they were created and have their being."
Revelation 4:10b-11

Hitting The Wall.

2012-01-20T23:36:00.000-08:00

There comes a time in every challenge one might face, where you just get plain sick of it! Fed up. Pissed Off. Ticked. Angry.
I hit my wall the other day, as I drove home from my appointment with the Radiologist Oncologist.
I yelled. Cussed. Screamed.
Tired of doctors appointments. Tired of worrying about my veins. Mad that my kids have to deal with this. Mad that I have to use energy on the "C" word rather than spend it on my children. Sick of not being able to be the kind of mom I desire to be when I don't feel well from chemo.
Truth be told, I am currently not happy with God. I know He is good. I know He is faithful. I know all these things in my head. But I do not currently feel them in my heart. But, as been told so many times before, love is not a feeling. So, I will work through this and dialogue with my God about my feelings. He knows. I know He knows. He knows I know He knows.
It is all part of the process, but I wanted to blog about it (the PG-13 version) because this blog is about my journey. Maybe it will help someone. Maybe it will make you pray more for me. Hopefully you won't feel sorry for me...I hate sympathy.
I will get through this...come out on the other side...because...
Jeremiah 29:11-14a
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity...

Weekend "Away"

2012-01-16T16:08:00.000-08:00

Jason had a wedding to officiate this past weekend, in Visalia. Since I was coming off treatment he took the 3 oldest kids with him. They had a great time visiting with friends and family! They even got to visit their old classmates and Lily dog-who has a wonderful new home on 10 acres.

Treatment 5 of 8 Update

2012-01-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

I just got home from my first treatment at the Moores Cancer, Infusion Center. It was a very good experience, although I had a moment of worry regarding my vein. For those of you that have been kindly following my blog, you know that this has been my #1 prayer request-that my veins would hold up so I don't have to get a port.
I had both of my nurses try to go thru a new vein, because my vein that is usually used was still sore from last treatment. Both veins they tried blew. I was getting nervous. I whispered to Jason to text everyone to pray! A male nurse gave it a try and used some unconventional methods, but got the needle(a smaller size) in a different vein! I was so thankful and relieved. Thank you for all that prayed. Please keep praying for the next 3 chemos, that my "good" vein heals & can be used.
Today, before I left, I read my devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I accidentally read the entry for tomorrow, but it was meant to be. The perfect words for me this week. Since, I learned that I will most likely have to have radiation between surgery and reconstruction (which I was hoping to be spared). I felt disappointed at first, after speaking with the surgeon (although i loved her!). But, after having some time to digest the road ahead, I realized I just need to take it all in stride, one step at a time. And keep my eyes on the Lord, in whom my future has hope.
Here is the entry:
Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it. You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey. You'd feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on what is on the road ahead. However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today; Spend quality time with Me. I will not show you what is on the road ahead , but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey. My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way. Stay in continual communication with me, whispering My Name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts. Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me. My abiding Presence is the best road map available.
Exodus 33:14, John 15:4-7

A Day on Coronado

2012-01-07T22:39:00.000-08:00

Today we packed a picnic and drove over to Coronado Island. It was breezy and 64*, but we didn't mind! The kids played in the sand, water & climbed on the rocks with Jason. Bellen sat on the towel with me and played with shells. She touched the sand once and shivered...I am taking that as a sign she didn't like it.
After the beach we met some friends, that live in Coronado, at yogurt and then visited with them for awhile. The kids had such a fun time playing together, before we knew it it was dinner time! They graciously invited us for dinner and we stayed. It was a fun and relaxing day.

Bellen "drove" to Starbucks with Daddy before we left

Not a fan of sand

Back to (New) School

2012-01-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

Meran & Jameson began their new school Tuesday, The Rock Academy. The kids walk 2 blocks (with Jason) to school, class sizes are small and the kids wear uniforms. The have had so many changes in the past few months and they have been troopers. Meran, of course, has found her groove among the 3 other girls in her class (yes, the class size is 16 and only 4 of the students are girls!). The new curriculum really has been good for her and she is already hard at work. Jameson has found his playground buddy in a boy named Christian, and 2 other boys that he identifies by their looks, since he can't seem to remember their names(eh...details, right!?) He is doing great with reading, but a teeny frustrated that he has to begin learning cursive in kindergarten. Also, he is having to wear his shirt tucked in, with a belt, which we have never done with him (since its not really his "style"). But, he is loving going to the park in the afternoons with Jason and the other kids, once homework is complete. I love this too, because it gives me an hour of calm before the storm (i.e. baths, dinner, memory verses, reading, bedtime). We are settling into life here in San Diego. Today, as I drove along Sea World Drive, coming home from some errands, I was thinking how I can hardly believe we are here. Last year at this time we were anticipating Bellen's arrival, which that in itself was exciting and life changing. But, the Lord had so much more in store and we had no idea. It really goes to prove who is in control, huh? We are enjoying this adventure He is leading us on. (Stretch-Stretch-Stretch:)

First Day of School

Making friends

Bellen cruisin' to the park in her new ride from Grandma & Grandpa Neese

Half Way Done!

2011-12-29T10:24:00.000-08:00

I am so happy to declare that Wednesday was my last round of the first chemo drugs. Now, I have 4 more sessions of this last drug, followed by surgery, then done! Woo-hoo!
When I got home, we celebrated by eating mini-ice cream cones we got from Trader Joe's...well, Bellen tried to eat most of mine:). The girl loves vanilla ice cream! Before you judge...she only probably ingested a tablespoon all together. By baby #4 you loosen up alot...for the better!
I am feeling relieved by the progress made and the steps behind me taken on this adventure. God has been so faithful. Not that I should be surprised. He always is, in His perfect timing. I have stated these things before, but feel the need to recap things I am faithful for: Still having brows & lashes, not being physically ill (thanks to Zofran), my mom coming to stay for every treatment, the encouraging words of friends & family.
In the busyness of everything I almost feel the Christmas passed us by...but, we did have great times with both our families celebrating Jesus' birth.

Hello From San Diego!

2011-12-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

We made it! Although, after having to rent a second Uhaul to fit ALL our possessions (a bit shameful:), I had doubts that it would happen! We arrived on Monday and have had a whirlwind week, with little sleep, but lots of smiles. Jason's parents, Dustin, Eric, Christina & girls, along with some support staff from The Rock, helped get us settled here.(A shout out of HUGE THANKS to all those who helped load up our stuff in Visalia)
Since arriving, we have already reconnected with several old friends. God is SO good! He IS faithful. One of the many things I love about our God...He is so personal.
I have been asked to post pictures of the house, and I will...as soon as I have time to take them. We have been staying up til the wee hours of the morning trying to get things unpacked. It is much more challenging moving and unpacking a half a dozen people, as opposed to the last time we moved, with just 4 (and Jameson was a new baby so he hadn't accumulated much stuff yet).
Here are a few pictures from the other night when we went to see Christmas lights with some of the Neese cousins, while they were here visiting and helping us. Back to unpacking...more to come:)
P.S. I feeling great this week! Last weeks chemo was a bit easier to bounce back from-my new secret weapon is eating yogurt and taking pro-biotics.

Boxes+ UCSD + Kids=Busy

2011-12-11T21:55:00.001-08:00

Life is good, only because God is good!
The past 2 weeks have been very busy. Ask anyone you meet and they will say the same. It's the time of year. Christmas/December is always a flurry of (fun) busyness.
Our busyness has little to do with such. We are up to our eye balls in boxes, bubble wrap and tape(a huge THANKS for those of you that have handed down or donated moving necessities). How did we acquire so much "stuff"!? Embarrassing really. I will place some of the blame on my 4 children, since they don't read the blog...please don't tell them.
Last week, we took a break from packing (when I say "we" I am mostly referring to my mother and mother-in-law, since I only feel good enough to do anything 5-6 days after treatment). Jason and I had a weekend away! Ok, Ok...we were headed to UCSD Cancer Center to meet my new Oncologist. But, we stayed in a hotel, had no children with us and ate at PF Chang's, so I consider it a "weekend away":).
I LOVE my new Oncologist, Dr. Helsten. She is confident, smart, a mother herself, and has a sense of humor. Super thankful for all these things!
Last Sunday, day 20, as predicted, I began losing my hair. I was very glad I had cut it short, which seemed to make it less creepy when it began to fall out. I shampooed it very gently and did not even comb it, trying to preserve "my original look" for a few days. I was SO thankful that it just thinned out, but still looked like me, for the Pastoral Christmas Dinner that I attended with Jason last Monday night. It was the first time to meet all the Pastors & their wives at The Rock, so I was thankful that the Lord kept the hair in thru the night!
Tuesday, when I got back to Visalia, I drove straight to Amy and had her shave my head. It felt better to just get it over with and stop "fretting" about how much hair and when the hair was coming out. I felt so confident afterwards! I didn't think twice about walking into Chili's to order food-to-go with with my new do.(is Sinead O'Connor coming to any one's mind?)
Now its time to Bic my head, cus the little buzzed pieces are falling out. But, I am fine with that too. My mom was right, I have the same round-shaped head that Bellen has-although, my 10 month old has more hair than I do(he-he)! Another thing to be thankful for...a round head! Oh, and I still have eyebrows and lashes (for now).
Gearing up for treatment #3 Tuesday, and packing like a mad woman the next 2 days, while I am up to it.

sorry, can't get it turned right way :)

1/4 done

2011-12-01T16:03:00.001-08:00

2nd treatment down. Zofran works! Thank you Lord for helping someone come up with this medicine! Just normal chemo side effects this time around. Wiped out and thankful mom is here to help things keep running.

Tea Party

2011-11-27T23:25:00.001-08:00

Jason's sweet aunt held a Tea Party for Meran and some of her close friends today...She said she wanted to have a day where it could just be about Meran, and not all the crazy things going on. It worked! Meran couldn't stop talking about it ALL afternoon and evening! She was in her element...my social butterfly. They crafted sparkly address books, exchanged addresses for note writing and munched on heart-shaped pb&j pink lemonade (Meran's favorite!)& gorgeous, girlie and delicious cupcakes!

Off to an early start...

2011-11-26T21:33:00.001-08:00

Christmas time! Yes, it is still November, but all my gifts are wrapped & we had our first get Christmas get-together tonight with our dear friends. It is an annual tradition...we WILL continue even thru our relocation! We kept it simple by meeting for pizza, but had the same wonderful time visiting, kids playing and gift exchange. I hope we can do it til we are old and gray!

The Cool Dads

Jameson & Owen

Best Friends

The Little Brothers...excited for gifts

The Cute Little Sisters

The ones who bore these cute kids, married to the cool dads:)

Karin helps Bellen open her new "purse"

So Thankful for...(in no particular order or seriousness)

2011-11-24T21:38:00.001-08:00

1. My loving husband & best friend
2. Four healthy children
3. A wonderful, caring family
4. My relationship with my Creator
5. Clean sheets
6. Pedicures
7. Medicine & Doctors
8. Laughter
9. Living in the USA
10. Water
11. Round Table Pizza
12. Chubby baby hands
13. PF Chang's Crispy Green Beans
14. The Beach
15. Online Shopping
16. Christian School
17. Good Friends
18. Target
19. See's Candy
20. Hand bags
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness;come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100

This was taken at Jameson's Friendship Feast, Friday at school.

Now you see it...soon you won't

2011-11-23T21:01:00.001-08:00

Before with my hairdresser, Amy

After!

I cut my hair short in hopes to get the satisfaction of getting to it before the medicine makes it fall out. They say it happens around day 20 which is about a week & a half from now. The thought of it falling out "long" (how I would refer to my hair, considering how short I have had it for so long) seemed like it would be creepier than if I cut it short. I know it is a reality of the medicine (the hair loss) and have told my kids not to think of me losing my hair due to the cancer, but rather because of the medicine that will make me better.
Tonight, as I was looking at the pictures that Becca took of our family last month, I started to cry. It surprised me that I would cry over my hair. Or, maybe it was just the mourning, that comes for a brief moment from time to time, about what cancer takes from you. In moments like this I HAVE to turn to Jesus, to Scripture, to refocus. It sucks, and I think it is ok to say so. But, one has to be so careful to not miss the blessings that are gifted from walking this path, with Jesus. So, let me take a minute to remind myself, "Britton, stay focused on Jesus. He is in control. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain!"

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me. I will call on Him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:1-7

Prayer request: Please pray for "strong veins". So far, so good (thank you Jesus). The thought of a port (which I would need if my veins no longer can take the chemo) makes me anxious.

Glad its today and not a few days ago...

2011-11-19T14:48:00.001-08:00

Well, since my last post I have lost 5 lbs. No, it is not a new anti-cancer diet that I am trying. I had a bad reaction to the chemo & the 2 anti-nausea medicines they gave me, both as a prescription and in an IV before the chemo, didn't work. I have always been sensitive to meds and haven't probably even taken close to a half bottle of Tylenol over my lifetime.
I finally went in yesterday, after 2 1/2 days of misery, to see my oncologist. He gave me an iv to hydrate me and tried a new anti-nausea medicine, that actually works for me!
Now, I am just fatigued(the normal side effect of chemo) and have gotten some appetite back.
Being back in a state of semi-mental focus (although, there is something called chemo-brain...I am thinking this, combined with mommy-brain, may be really bad;) I want to thank everyone who has shown love and support to me and my family. Whether it be bringing food, flowers, new slippers, picking up my kids from school, taking them home to play, a cute breast cancer awareness necklace, cards & notes, calls, texts, and most importantly...prayers on my behalf to our Lord. I know I have this awesome army of supportive family and friends-that-are-like-family around me...making it so much easier to face this road.
My fairygod MOM, though she probably feels more like Cinderella, has been holding down the fort while Jason went to San Diego to start his job (although he is back for the weekend) and I was bedridden. Jameson celebrated his 1/2 birthday at school, since we won't be here for his real birthday. Here are some cute picts that Mom took of the "event".

Jameson and Mrs. Bons

He brought pizza & cookies for the class to enjoy

His cute classmates

1 down...7 to go

2011-11-15T16:24:00.001-08:00

Had my first chemo this morning. My nurse was super nice. A young girl that is expecting her first child, which gave us something incommon to talk about-other than treatment. I was first given 2 anti-nausea medicines thru IV, then my 2 treatments. The first, a red substance that is manually "pushed" by the nurse-from a syringe thru the IV over the course of 15 minutes. The 2nd is an IV given over 30 minutes. I felt fine afterwards and Jason took me to lunch. I go back tomorrow for a shot to boost my white blood cell count.
Now that I have been home I am not feeling so hot. It feels like I stayed up all night and as the nite progresses I feel more nauseous. Hopefully it will pass soon! Thankfully my mom is here to help, as Jason starts his new job tomorrow.
Please pray for nausea to pass and Jason's safe travels.

Let the Count Down Begin...

2011-11-14T23:55:00.000-08:00

My oldest niece, Taryn, took this picture tonight of us at a family dinner. (She is very good at taking pics with her iphone:). This marks the last picture of me before Chemo and with hair:) DO NOT feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me...just part of the journey. Sure, it might suck because I will have to choose what I wear around my hats, but, this too shall pass. And seriously, it could be worse.
Jameson did cry last week, though, because he is afraid that people will laugh at me when I have no hair. Sweet boy. He is so tender-hearted. I reassured him that I don't care what people think. Well, I may be a little self-conscious, but I am pretty sure it is because I might not like what I see in the morning on some days. But, here in lies the problem. I. "I". My eyes will be on me.
Then Lord will gently remind me that I am to focus on Him. I will probably throw myself a pity-party for a few hours (hopefully it won't last all day). And then I will get over it. Remembering that, yes, sometimes things get hard, challenging, even crappy (excuse my language) but we are here to bring God glory. I choose Him. I choose Joy!

Miscellaneous Bits...

2011-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

A friend found the lyrics to the song Joy on youtube. Click on it to be encouraged and excited about the hope we have in our Lord, Jesus Christ!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gulnb6XkuM
Update: Still waiting for my Dr. here to get a hold of my new Dr. at UCSD. Apparently she is a very busy woman...taking that as a sign that she is a SUPER doc;)
Guessing this means I will not be starting treatment this week. Dr. Havard (Visalia) wants to be sure Dr. Helsten (UCSD) is in agreement on treatment so I don't get to San Diego and have them say, "It would have been better if we did___ first and then ___".

Here are a few snapshots from October ...

pumpkin patch with jameson's kindergarten class

cvc grandparents day/fall festival

cvc grandparents day

9 Months old!

2011-11-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, although I know not its measure.
Psalm 71:14-15

So much has been going on that is out of the ordinary. I don't want to lose focus on the 4 sources of pure joy & delight (most of the time:) that I have in my life. The latest...Bellen turned 9 months old this Saturday. She is crawling around, loves her bottle (now!) and is fully entertained by her sister and 2 brothers! She is a daddy's girl (like her sister) and a real cuddler. I have taken to calling her my joy-bug recently because she is always smiling and happy. Love that fuzzy head, 4 teeth, joyful baby girl!

Joy, Joy,Unending Joy

2011-11-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

My favorite CD right now is the new Phil Wickham, that my brother burned for me(I have mentioned this before:). Track #2 is what i have dubbed my theme song for this adventure. When I figure out how, I will put the song on the blog so you can be blessed by it too. The chorus is, "Joy, joy, unending joy. Always, joy will remain. Joy, joy, I sing for joy...always, forever I'll stay in your joy".
My nurse called me today, who also happens to go to church with us:) She was on her way out of the country but just wanted to call and tell me the outcome of the genetic testing. It was all clear...NO MUTATED GENE anywhere to be found! This is a huge relief! This means I am not going to pass this on to my children, I will most likely not get cancer in the other breast or ovaries. I am looking at this cancer as a one hit (non)wonder. Meaning, I will be treated, cured and move on...hopefully using my experience to draw others to Jesus. To Him be all the glory!!
ps-this was the test that was suppose to take 10 days to get the results, it hasn't even been a week yet (4 days to be exact!:)

Family Photo by Becca

2011-11-06T00:10:00.000-07:00

Here is a sample of the "photo shoot" we did last wednesday with Becca.

A Bit of Good News

2011-11-04T23:23:00.000-07:00

We met with Dr. Havard, my oncologist, this afternoon. My Pet scan results showed no signs of additional cancer. It was nice to get a bit of good news...we are praising God that the cancer is contained in just the one location. My Dr. will be contacting UCSD Monday to consult them, regarding my chemo treatment plan. That way, when I get down to San Diego for treatment, it will be a smooth transition, with my new team of doctors being in the loop. I may get to start chemo as early as the end of next week.
I had mentioned to the Dr. that I wanted to start treatment asap because I hate the thought of the cancer being allowed to grow (since it has been about 1 month now since we started this process). He explained the rate cancer cells divide and grow and said that this cancer probably began 5-6 years ago! However, it would not have shown up on a mammogram until about 9 months ago (after it reached a certain size)-this was around the time Bellen was born. That was very interesting!
So, beware, naughty, naughty, bad, bad, disgusting, dirty, weak little cancer...we are coming to get you and you will soon be NO MORE!

Radio activity & Rest time

2011-11-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
Psalm 91:1

Another day of appointments...who knew cancer makes life so busy? Beside the usual things one does, just to keep things in order and life rolling, you have lots of Dr. appointments and paperwork to keep in order.
First, I had my annual eye exam (not cancer related). It was kind of weird because I had to get my chart from Dr. Gerlach, as this would be the last time I see him as my optometrist. Now I need to find a new optometrist in San Diego. Besides ordering new contact lenses, I ordered myself some cute, sassy eye glasses. I will be wearing glasses a bit more than normal this year, I am sure. When I was trying them on I would pull back my hair so I could get the"full affect" of what I would look like:). Not to toot my own horn...but I can pull off short hair-hopefully that will be the same with no hair;)
This afternoon, I had my Pet scan...1 of the 2 final tests we are needing to get my treatment plan in order. I wasn't really sure what to expect, not knowing many people who have had a Pet scan. When the company who does these called to schedule my appointment they asked a series of questions. One of them being "are you claustrophobic". Ugh! I said "no", but it was lingering in the back of my mind why they would ask such a thing? One thing that they forgot to tell me is that I cannot hold or feed Bellen for 12 hrs., due to the radio active dye. Oops! Jason had to be a church tonight, so Bellen spent more time with Grandma & Grandpa Neese...she has been with them all day and boy, do I miss her!!!
After waiting 45 minutes after my appointment time, a technician ushered me thru the building, out the back door to a mobile unit("huh? I thought, "what kind of test is this?"). Apparently, the Pet scan machine travels around to different locations from Bakersfield to Modesto. I was given a small IV of Radio-active fluid, then told to sit still and quiet for a half hour. No problem there! I closed my eyes and enjoyed the peace, quiet and rest time!
After that I was brought into the room where the Pet scan machine was. I laid on a narrow table, they covered me with a blanket in a dim lit room...more rest time! For 30 minutes the machine (a tube-like tunnel, opened on either end) took pictures of the inside of my body. The radio-active dye helps to identify if there is anything else "cancer-ish" in my body. I decided that I would keep my eyes closed the whole time and sing praise songs. My brother, Dustin, made me a copy of the new Phil Wickam and it played thru my mind the whole time. I felt so peaceful. Thank you to everyone that prayed that I would find peace today, as I had this test. God provided the answer to our request.

1 week in

2011-11-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain wisdom.
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:12 &14

Tonight, we had some last minute family photos taken by Becca. We won't be doing Christmas cards this year (a heads up to those of you who look forward to them). But, if I were, these are the picts I would have used. I will post them once I receive them.

I had an emotionally low moment tonight, while reading about what to expect when you have a mastectomy. Then, the Lord brought to mind Jan, a friend from long ago. I suddenly felt the urgency to call her...right now! I called...she picked up...we talked, my spirit was lifted. The Lord totally used her to bring my focus back on Him. We only spoke for 27 minutes, but she gave me verses, shared her similar experience (from 10 yrs ago) and encouraged me as only someone who has walked this same road could do.
God is good. He knew just what I needed & met my need, in His loving & gracious way.

The Waiting...

2011-11-02T00:08:00.000-07:00

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:20-22

Fittingly, I opened the Bible this morning to this Psalm. Hmmm...who could have orchestrated that?:)
Today we met my oncologist, Dr. Havard. He may be a distant cousin to James Taylor, I am not sure...he resembles him in some way. Much brighter though, as Dr. Havard studied at UCLA. However, I have never actually spoken with James Taylor, so I cannot be sure.
He went over my story and examined the "bad guy". He explained, very clearly, how cancer begins. Jason and I have both done our fair share of google cancer research, so we were able to follow him.
I was hoping for a battle plan to be set up today, but after talking with him I see that that was premature. We need to wait. Again.
I am waiting on the results of 2 tests. After we have these results we will set up the chemo/surgery or surgery/chemo. Which ever seems to be the best plan of attack!
These test are being done because I am 36 with Breast Cancer (stage 2-3), with no family history of BC.
The 1st test, a PetScan, will take place on Thursday. This will determine if there are any hints of any other cancer or suspicious spots in my body(besides the spots in my left breast). My chest xray I took last week came back clear, so that gives us hope that the PetScan will also be clear.
The 2nd test, a genetic testing, will be done to rule out that I have a BRCA mutated gene, causing this breast cancer. "They" say that my chances are about 7% of carrying this. In the case of a positive result, it means there is an increased cancer risk for another breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer. In which case, you would have all of that removed to prevent future cancer in those areas. My family does not have a history of Breast Cancer, so we are expecting a negative result (isn't it weird how a negative is a positive?).
Both test results could take up to 2 weeks, so we will wait. But, I won't be waiting, sitting on the couch, staring off, feeling sorry for myself or sad. NO SIR! I will be passing the time, cleaning, packing, filling out new school registration forms, getting our affairs in order...

I am SO thankful to have the move to focus on during this time. It gives us hope and something to look forward to. Of course, the move is bittersweet. We are leaving SO much we love(pretty sure I have said that before!).
But, when we were in San Diego this weekend, visiting the church and the kids' school, we felt nothing but c-o-n-f-i-r-m-a-t-i-o-n from the Lord, that this is our new home!

On a note of praise! Bellen has successfully weaned! Thank you Jesus! It wasn't looking hopeful there for a few days. But her daddy got the task done! She loves her bottle now and I even think she forgot about how much she loved nursing (though a small, wistful part of me hasn't). We had a good 8 & 1/2 month run, and I shall be thankful for that!:) Thank you for those of you who prayed us thru those few days.

Changes

2011-10-29T00:02:00.001-07:00

Our "Neese world", as we know it, is changing...
In the past 3 weeks we learned that we are re-locating to San Diego, Jason is taking a job at The Rock Church there. We also found out that I have breast cancer. The timing seems crazy, but God knew it all before we even knew about this ministry move. The fact that I have breast cancer and will most likely be facing a year of chemo therapy and surgery, seems a dream sometimes. But, as unbelievable as it seemed last Wednesday night at 7pm, when Dr. Dounies called with the news, God already knew it...way before I was even born. We will trust in Him and lean not on our own understanding(Proverbs 3:5).
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will be keeping the blog posted with the updates and the latest changes, both on our move and my treatment. Please pray for us as we embark on this "adventure" (as we refer to it with our kids). We, in no way, see this "cancer-thing" as a door closed. The Lord called us to San Diego, to The Rock...and we will follow!
It won't be an easy road, but rather, a testing of our faith that develops perseverance(James 1:3).

Happy Happy Birthday Baby!

2011-10-12T21:28:00.000-07:00

Bellen is 8 months old...
joyful, sweet and pure happiness!

Bellen is Dedicated to the Lord

2011-10-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today we dedicated, in church, our sweet Bellen Noelle to the Lord. The day was so special for so many reasons...
Bellen and her cousin, Kimber Elizabeth, who are exactly 6 months apart, were dedicated together. Also, my parents, both brothers & sister-in-laws and Addi all made the trip. This meant so much to have them all here! It was a quick trip for them and both of my sweet sister-in-laws are pregnant(yeah!). After the service, around 60 friends and family went to lunch. It was a memorable day and we are so thankful to the Lord for our final blessing...Bellen! We are also so thankful for so many friends and family to encourage and support us as we raise Bellen to love Jesus.

Everyday happenings...

2011-09-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

After being sick for awhile I am finding happiness in being able to enjoy the everyday happenings around here!

Spicy Soccer Sisters

2011-09-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

Let the games begin...it's soccer season once again!

...and yes, that is Meran's team's name!

Labor Day at Hume Lake

2011-09-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

For Labor Day, we had our annual get together at the Neese family cabin at Hume Lake. We enjoyed the Country Fair, lots of great time with the family & friends. The kids LOVE this weekend! It is definitely a big highlight in our year....I will post more pictures later, when I find them:).

Back to School 2011

2011-08-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

2 Elementary kids this year!

Even Sutt was ready, with his backpack

4th grade with Ms. DeWitt

Finally! Jameson has been waiting to have Mrs.Bons for Kindergarten for 4 years!(when Meran had her)

My big boy! He was not the least bit hesitant...he was actually bummed when the day was over. He LOVES it! Yeah!
So glad we waited that extra year to send him.

Orange County Fair

2011-08-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

It has been close to 20 years since I have been to the Orange County Fair. Last summer, Meran went to the fair with my parents, when she spent a week with them, and couldn't stop talking about how much fun it was! So, this year, we decided we would all go. The Fair is HUGE! We were there about 5 hours, and while we did, saw & ate alot, we only covered about 20% of the grounds. We will definitely make it an annual summer event!

cousins

petting baby chicks

fresh hot corn on the cob

jameson was looking forward to the cotton candy most of all!

bellen & papa

meran participated in the hula hoop contest...

...and won 1st place!

crazy food options!

deep fried snickers or reese's anyone???

we opt for the safe choice...pizza

posing with the sleeping pig (which sutton thought was dead)

shootin' the squirt guns...bub won 1st place

Corona Del Mar...one last beach hoo-rah

2011-08-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

jason is a trooper...he always is willing to let the kids bury him in the sand

king of the seaweed. jameson collected this pile.

sutt in the sand

we topped off the day with frozen yogurt

this was bellen's first trip to the beach. she enjoyed it and didn't mind the sand!

mini bathing beauty

We went to Corona Del Mar, while visiting my parents, this past week. This beach holds lots of memories for me, as it is a place I frequented in my childhood & youth. I was also baptized in the water there, years ago. The kids enjoyed body surfing, building in the sand, taking a walk down to the cave and burying their dad. Bellen enjoyed a nice nap in Grandma's arms, so I was even able to relax & catch a few (too many) rays! One last beach "hoo-rah" before we go back to school in one week. Not a bad end to a fun filled summer!

Birthday Girls!

2011-08-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

Bellen turned 6 months old on Friday and got a fun birthday surprise...a new cousin!!! Kimber Elizabeth Neese arrived a few weeks early, so she and Bellen are exactly 6 months apart. So, much fun!

A Friend Loves At All Times Prov.17:17a

2011-08-05T10:50:00.000-07:00

My biggest fear, after breaking my foot (ok-beside having a dirty house), was that my kids would be bored for the rest of the summer. Now, looking back at my kids' social life the past 3 weeks, I think they have done more than they would have if I had been crutch-free! All of my sweet, dear, reliable friends stepped up. Taking them swimming, to frozen yogurt, to the park, to the library...Not to mention setting up 3 weeks of meals for us. Thank you friends~you have been a blessing! I hope I can do the same for you one day (but hopefully you won't have to break something).

these pictures are just "iphone/camera snapshots" of a few of their outings(that were sent to me:)

36...Finally!

2011-08-03T23:10:00.000-07:00

Jason is 6 months younger then me, so I am always glad when he finally "catches up". We celebrated my handsome, fun, loving husband's birthday tonight with dinner at Bravo Farms (our new favorite eatery to frequent) & ice cream at Baskin Robbins.

waffle cones...a big splurge for the "birthday party"

Little Ms. Scootie-pants

2011-08-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

please excuse the poor photo...my cell phone is the closest & most convenient thing these days, while on crutches.

Bellen has been army crawling for about a week now. Last night she started getting up on all fours. This morning, I put her on her quilt for some tummy time. When I glanced at her a few minutes later I saw this! She had spotted a block that was on the laminate. So, she decided that she would just scoot her little self over there and get it! The kids and I were cracking up with delight!

Over Achiever...?

2011-07-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

I like to think I am not "one of those moms" who compare their baby's height, weight and where they are on the chart, to other babies. Maybe when I was a new mommy...other moms did it and it seemed like the thing to do, compare...
Now, 9 years of mothering behind me and countless notches on my mothering belt (the kind heavy weight champions wear;) I have given up on that. I must say, it does help that our pediatrician never lets us know where the kids "fall" on the chart. (If I want to see I actually have to crain my neck and look really quickly before she marks that blue grid-like paper and closes the folder).
Anyway, Bellen, being baby #4 is making me wonder. Is she going to be an over-achiever? Does she feel the pressure of having to keep up with her brothers and sister? Her chunky legs, coo-ing, double(or is it triple?) chin and big 2-tooth grin gives her plenty of leverage for earning her a spot in this household. Somehow, she must not understand that though because, much to my disappointment, she is starting to sit up. When I lay her down she automatically lifts her head and feet up, trying to pull herself up(or maybe she is trying to do a sit-up?). Even in the bathtub she wants to sit and splash her hands in the water.
I don't want her reaching these milestones yet or moving up levels on "the chart"...stay a baby, baby. Please! You're the last of our offspring and I want to savour your baby-ness!

Heart Shaped Berries

2011-07-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

Tonight when we were eating dinner we found hearts in our strawberries!

The kids got a real kick out of it.

sutton's wasn't really heart shaped. but he wanted his picture taken too:)

Hydro 2011

2011-07-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

I missed out this year on the annual Satellite Hydro Trip to Bass Lake, due to "the accident". Meran and Jameson still went with Jason. They spent a fun, cool & wet weekend on the lake, tubing.

Held together by a pin

2011-07-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

a pin was placed thru both the breaks in my 5th metetarsal

Went to my post-op appointment today and got the bandages off. It felt like I could breathe better! I was hoping to get the stitches out...have to wait till next week though. Baby steps. One week down...6 to go??!

Hope I have good worker's comp!

2011-07-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

So, I got injured on the job on Tuesday. I was getting Sutton ready, excited that my older 2 kids were coming home after a week's stay at my parents. I carried Bellen into Sutt's room to change him and I started to step on a toy tractor that was on the floor. I tried to stop myself from tripping on it...big mistake. I let out a loud and crazy yell (that scared Bellen, who began to cry) and I fell to the ground. I sat on the floor in Sutton's room waiting for the pain in my foot to lessen. I have done this lots of times-fallen over a toy. After 30 minutes I had Sutton get my phone and I called Jason...this was not just a twisted foot. 4 hours later, after seeing the Dr., having xrays and visiting a foot specialist, it was determined that I would have surgery 2 days later to put a pin in my 5th metatarsal, that I had broke in 2 places.
"I hope I have good worker's comp insurance" I said to the nurse.
I actually found the news funny and unbelievable...but, it is what it is. Now, here I sit, 3 days later. Crutches near by and my mom here to help. I will have to be off my foot for 6-8 weeks. That doesn't seem that bad until...
-you realize you can't carry your baby, while using crutches,
-I can't clean my own floors (or anything for that matter),
-I have to bath with one leg hanging over the tub (due to stitches),
-I can't drive ANYWHERE.
Glad we packed in lots of fun the first half of the summer!

post surgery foot

I definitely will not take my feet for granted after this! I will be learning LOTS of patience and "letting go" during this next month or so:). But this is SO temporary! Glory to God!

5 Months Old

2011-07-07T22:24:00.001-07:00

our 5 month old sweetie

bellen loves to fall asleep in meran's arms

Our baby girl is growing so fast that I cannot keep up with her! I would swear that it is going faster than the other 3 kids....at 5 months she has 2 teeth, trying to scoot around on her tummy and weighs about 13 1/2 lbs. She is a peanut, but a chunky peanut for sure! She is so joyful-often, when we are out people remark about what a happy baby she is. She is our little ray of sunshine...Bellen Noelle.

Annual 4th of July Get Together

2011-07-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

sutton checks out the donkeys

baby sister's first 4th of July

sutton, ready for the fireworks with his glow sticks & popsicle

meran & kayla

our little miss america

buddies...owen & jameson

We enjoyed another 4th of July at the DeHaan's! It was SO hot...we all got in the pool! Food~Friends~Fireworks!

Father's Day

2011-06-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

ry, bellen, taryn & mer

my fish...jameson

the neese men

After spending most of the weekend with my parents, we spent Father's Day with the Neese side. We bbq'd and swam....a very relaxing day at Eric & Christina's.
Meran, Jameson, Sutton & Bellen are SO blessed to have Jason for their dad! He is loving, understanding, a good listener, a good cuddler, a good wrestler and fun to be with! He has a great example of what a good father is in his own dad.

Woody & Jessie turn 3!

2011-06-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

trying to help:)

sutton & taryn

the birthday kids

half a dozen neeses...minus 1(bellen was napping)

the party favors

my big(baby)boy

leslie made these cute cupcake toppers

my first try at fondant...not perfect, but fun!

sutton was really attentive to each present...meran read him each card and jameson was the trash guy

Since their birthdays are just 2 1/2 weeks apart, Leslie and I decided to throw Sutton & Reagan their 3rd birthday party together. We have alot of mutual friends and they are quite the little buddies. They were very cute as Woody & Jessie and had a great time!

Sutton Turns 3

2011-06-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

We celebrated our "baby" boy's (though Sutton doesn't allow me to call him my baby) 3rd birthday on Sunday. His favorite meal...Hotdogs, Strawberries & string cheese (he is a simple boy:) and instead of cake we had sugar cookies. The cutest part of the day is every time someone said "Happy Birthday" to him, he said it back! When he woke up in the morning and came into our room I said, "Happy Birthday Sutty!" and he replied, "Happy Bearday Mama". So cute...so 3!

Birthday Breakfast

2011-06-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

I had to post this picture of myself and Meran the morning of her birthday...still looking sleepy. I don't make it in many pictures, since I am the one behind the lens. This bums me out to think that the kids might forget what I look like when they look back at these memories!

Meran's 9th Birthday

2011-06-03T00:14:00.000-07:00

Meran had a few close friends over to celebrate her 9th Birthday. They did crafts, had hairflares put in and we went to dinner, followed by gifts and sundaes! Everyone wore pink~Meran's current favorite color;)

Kate & Benjamin's Wedding Weekend

2011-05-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

waiting patiently at the rehearsal

a word of instruction from pastor jason

me & the groom

rehearsal lunch

the happy couple

wedding day!

a last minute laugh with dad

pinwheels had the seating assignments...and kept the kids entertained!

with mom

mer with granma & granpa neese

a speech of gratitude

the menu

ben & kate are huge laker fans, so each table was a laker player/coach

local pies and cake pops rather than cake...delicious!

bride & groom feeding of the cake(pops)

the first dance as man & wife, to a song sung by kate's brother

dustin & meran, enjoying the evening

s'more fun

the s'mores were a hit with the kids and grown-ups alike

Benjamin & Kate are married! It took place on Sunday, May 29th at The Vine Hill House Estate in Sebastopol. Jason officiated the ceremony, which overlooked a vineyard. It has rained the day before and had been very cool, but the day of the wedding was a perfect 71*. It was such a special day! It was a blessing to be able to have our family be apart of Ben & Kate's first day as man & wife!

CVC Preschool Commencement

2011-05-20T00:09:00.000-07:00

with the proud graduate

isabella & jameson

if it looks like we are crazy...we kinda are;)

with granma &granpa neese

neese cousins! (reagan already went home & bellen was sleeping)

Jameson is 6!

2011-05-19T23:52:00.000-07:00

Where did it go? The baby days of my firstborn son! Now he is 6 and about to be a kindergartener!
Such a happy boy! Always talking, full of questions, a witty sense of humor, sweet and gentle, yet rough and loud. Loves legos, chocolate(anything), The Wild Kratts, socializing, Macaroni & Cheese, Starwars, playing house and school with Meran & Sutton, singing & dancing for Bellen's amusement.
Jameson turned 6 yesterday and we celebrated with a Lego Starwars Party. 11 of his friends came to romp and play, eat macaroni & cheese and chocolate cake. Gave each boy a lightsaber (made from a pool noodle)...they could've played for hours!

happy 6th birthday my sweet jameson

in his element

patient big sister read each card to him

silly faces

could they have gotten any closer together?

James & Jameson

2011-05-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

Jameson is named after my Papa, James. He is a man of whom there are no shortage of reasons to admire...
He is a hard worker.
He is a wonderful writer.
He is loving and not afraid to say it...especially when it comes to his grand & great grandchildren.
He is strong-both physically, emotionally & mentally.
He is wise.
He is funny.
He is gentle.
He can get fired up about things he is passionate about or if he feels there has been an injustice done.
He loved my Nanny (and still does, though she has gone ahead to be with the Lord 12 years now).

James & Jameson

The list goes on, and I named my first born son after him because of the admiration & love I feel for him. Happy 86th Birthday Papa!

Princess Cousins

2011-04-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

Sutton played at cousin Reagan's house yesterday. They love to pull out all the toys and play with everything...including the princess dresses!

Easter 2011

2011-04-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

He is Risen!

My girls!

The sleepy heads were greeted with easter goodies

All the cousins...minus reagan, who wasn't in the picture taking mood

Aunt Leslie, Bellen & Reagan

Jameson & Colton sorting thru their goods

After church we spent a relaxing day at Eric & Christina's with ALL the Neese/Torres/Sumwalt families. The kids had a blast! Candy-Egg Hunt-Food-Playing...and even though it was not even 70* the kids ended up in the pool by late afternoon!

More Spring Pictures by Rachael...

2011-04-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

Spring Break 2011

2011-04-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

too much sun

the little kids table

hunting for eggs

legoland!

may the force be with you

sutton driving daddy around

We spent the first part of Spring Break in Orange County, with my family. We dyed eggs, visited with cousin Addi and went to Legoland. It was a great time!

CVC Spring Program

2011-04-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

The 2nd & 3rd Graders had their Spring Program...Meran, along with many other kids, recited a verse. Her friend Kayla had a solo.

Spring Pictures with Neese Cousins

2011-04-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

the neese girls

the neese boys

Last Sunday the Neese cousins took their annual pictures together...I wish I had all of the past years on my computer to compare how they have changed! We usually take them around Christmas, but this year we waited a few months so Bellen could be in them:). And next year we will add another Neese girl, that Than & Leslie are bringing into the world in August! More to come...

Snow in April?

2011-04-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

We were at the outlet mall on Friday and it started to hail, which turned into what looked like snow! Trust me...I would have not taken Bellen & the 2 boys out (with myself dressed in flats-not exactly snow attire!) if I knew that was coming! We cut our outing short, dashing for the car. The boys got a big kick out of it!

Hiking With Dad

2011-04-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

My kids relish their time they get to have alone with Jason. They are constantly asking him when they get to go somewhere with just him. Meran is currently trying to set a date with her dad for him to take "just her" to the movies. Nevermind that almost every Thursday her dad picks her up from school and takes her to Frozen Yogurt before dropping her off at home and heading back to work for awhile.
Last Saturday was Jameson's turn. They went on a hike with some people from Satellite Ministry. Here are some pictures:

So this is what Sisters are like!

2011-04-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

I never, ever, can remember wanting a sister when I was growing up. I, very much, liked being the only girl in my family (and the oldest...I might add!). I have 2 brothers-one very close, who was my buddy and the other 9 years younger, who was like my real life baby doll. Life was good. I still, to this day, like having my mom all to myself (mostly-until Meran came along).
I have 4 fabulously fun, caring and darling sister-in-laws. So, I really didn't think Meran needed a sister. Well, I guess the Lord did...afterall, she admits to praying for a little sister. He answered, "yes" and we received Bellen! God is good, in more than a billion ways. But, he heard Meran's prayer and gave her the desire of her heart. It is so sweet to see her loving Bellen. She is a huge help with the boys and loves playing with her brothers (or shall I say "instructing"them). But to see her hold Bellen and talk sweetly to her, I see why sisters have such a special bond. It has been a joy to watch and I am sure there is much more to come!

bellen is held nightly by meran during prayer time

Happy Birthday Baby!

2011-04-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

She is wearing Big Sister's Birthday Tiara:)

Bellen is 2 months old today!
On one hand, life without her with us is just a vague memory...on the other hand, it seems like it was just last week that she arrived!
She is a very sweet & happy baby. She is straight forward...she lets us know when she is hungry (or just wants to nurse, whether hungry, or not), sleepy, has a dirty diaper and can be very talkative(with her baby coos). Meran has gotten really good at calming her down and knowing what she might need. She loves to hold her baby sister at night when she is tucked in and we pray.
Not gonna lie, life can pretty crazy sometimes~and I am learning sometimes I just need to stay home and it is okay to say "no" . But being a family of a half dozen has been exciting, sweet, fun and tiresome...but a good tired! Happy Birthday Baby Sister!

2 Years Old!

2011-03-31T16:24:00.000-07:00

the party favors were honey

enjoying her birthday cupcake

my kids like to hover over her, but she doesn't seem to mind...she actually likes it!

While we were down south last weekend we were able to celebrate, my niece's 2nd Birthday with her! She is such a joy (true to her middle name) and has the cutest, funniest little personality! Lauren and Dustin did a great job throwing her a Hundred Acre Woods themed-party, including peanut butter & honey sandwiches and jars of honey as the party favor.

For the Bride-To-Be

2011-03-31T16:13:00.000-07:00

My brother, Benjamin, is getting married! In May he will marry Kate, who we all love! She is the perfect match for my brother. Last weekend we had a shower at my Aunt Janie's lovely new home. Also, my extended family met Bellen for the first time. It was a really nice day!

Big Boy Sutty

2011-03-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

Since cancelling our cable (while trying to simplify) the kids watch alot of PBS... that is really the only option for children's tv. My boys have gotten the idea to make their own lunch, which we have done a couple times, on the channel recently. A few weeks ago, Sutton wanted to make his own sandwich, at 10:30am...
He wanted Peanut Butter and Cheddar Cheese, hmmmm, he does love protein! Also, if I dare refer to him as my baby (as an endearing term) he says ," Me no baby, me big boy Sutty"! I can't believe he is almost 3!

Handsome Boys

2011-03-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

I love this picture of the the two older men in my life!

Pirates...Play Ball!

2011-03-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Cutest little baseball player I know!

Saturday was Jameson's first t-ball game of the season. To say that he has improved is an understatement! Not talking skill so much...but rather, enthusiasm for the game! It is fun to see him excited about playing!
He likes to play "pitcher"-which is really just standing on the pitchers mound, since it is t-ball;)
Meran and Sutton passed the game time by visiting the snack bar 2x (at 8:30am, mind you) and Bellen slept away in my arms. I do have to state, for the record(though not to toot my own horn), that Jason was out of town this weekend. I got all four kids to the game, dressed and fed on time, at 8:30 in the morning! I am beginning to get the hang of this 4-kids thing...and I am liking it alot!

Unfortunately, I did forget my camera so I had to rely on my phone...and I forgot to hold it the right way so the pictures have to be posted sideways! Sorry!

Elephant Brothers

2011-03-08T16:52:00.000-08:00

Last week Jameson made an Elephant hat at preschool, celebrating Dr. Seuss & after reading Horton Hears a Who. My boys love to dress up and role play...so this hat was very fun to them! Especially since the new PBS show, Wild Kratts, is their current favorite TV show (about 2 brothers that help animals in trouble). The next day, Jameson decided to make Sutton his own Elephant hat. The picture is blurry, but I had to post this. How cute is the tiny trunk on Sutton's hat and the ears resemble those of Eyore's, more than an elephant...such a good big brother! The best of buddies (though, sometimes enemies)!

T-Ball Time!

2011-03-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

Jason took Jameson to get geared up for his 2nd year in T-Ball this weekend. He got a bat bag, his own bat & helmet and pants & socks...he got hand me down cleats from a friend! The rest he will get from the League. This year he is a Pirate (ARGH Matey!). We were hoping for the Dodgers, since it is Daddy's favorite team. But, the boys were very thrilled to hear that Pirates was Jameson's team. Jameson told Sutton he could be the mascot and dress up like a pirate at the games....he liked this idea:). Play Ball!

3 1/2 weeks old

2011-03-02T20:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in about a week...we are still here! Kids just had that yucky flu bug last week! Baby Bellen was spared, thankfully. Then, just as I was about to make my debut back into society, I got mastitis. That was fun. We are all on the mend now. Bellen had her very late 2 week well-baby visit (at 3 1/2 weeks old) on Tuesday. Her Stats: 8lbs, 13oz, 20 1/2 in. Still has a sweet, little peanut head.

Here is another photo from her "shoot" we took at 6 days old. I have new picts but not much time to upload them:).

Baby's are born without necks...right?

2011-02-23T11:56:00.000-08:00

So, the night we brought Bellen home from the hospital the kids were SO excited! They yelled "surprise!" when we walked in the door. We brought Bellen, in her carseat, and set her on the floor so they could look at her. Jameson, in his sweet and innocent 5 year old voice says, "She doesn't have a neck yet, right?". He was trying to reason why it looked like her baby head was just resting on her tiny shoulders, since she couldn't hold it up yet. We got a BIG kick out of it!

Today, this outfit Bellen is wearing reminded me of Jameson's statement. I purchased it from Gymboree, for a couple reasons...
1. it was dirt cheap and i love a deal!
2. it was something other than pink and the girl has got a LOT of pink in her closet
3. i made this really cute hair accessory to go with it
However, it brings back Jameson's question of the baby with no neck. Why would someone make a "turtleneck" for a baby? Oh well, she looks cute and atleast her chin will be warm! And, no, I don't make her wear a headband to take a nap...I just did it for the picture.:)

Bellen's First Bath...Feb 15th

2011-02-23T11:47:00.000-08:00

Nope...she doesn't like her bath at all. Hates being naked, hates being unswaddled, hates being out of mommy's arms! Poor baby...she doesn't know that her mommy makes her kids take a bath every single day! She'll have to learn to like it.

Skate Party

2011-02-19T15:59:00.000-08:00

Our school has an annual skate party at the local Skating Rink each year to help raise money for Leukemia Research (Pennies for Patients). Jason went to chaperone and took Jameson along...they had a great time. Jameson wasn't so thrilled with the skating part, but he loved being around everyone (and getting a snack at the snack bar:).

Our 4 Lovebugs...

2011-02-16T15:17:00.000-08:00

Another sneak peek of the pictures we had taken last week...can't wait to see the rest!

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T21:07:00.000-08:00

Another Valentine's Day, but my heart has never been more full of love and joy! I am so thankful for all the Lord has blessed us with, so undeservedly! We had a simple celebration at home, after school. My friend brought us dinner, which was a fabulous treat! The kids opened their small gifts and See's Candy. After dinner we had the heart-brownie sundaes that I made and the kids watched "Clifford the Big Red Dog Valentine's Special". Simple. Together. At home. These are my new favorite things...

Thank you Mom!

2011-02-14T20:57:00.000-08:00

My Mom spent this past week with us, to help us ease into the new routine of having 4 children! She has done this each time we have a new baby. It is so nice to be able to just focus on the baby. She kept the washer going (we have LOTs of laundry, as you can imagine), made us good food, got the kids ready for school each morning, and much, much more...The older kids loved having her around! On Saturday, the day before she left, Meran held a tea party for her. Meran even let Jameson come, which was mighty gracious of her! He loves to do things with his sister and never gives a care if they seem like "girlie" activities. Thank you so much Mom for helping us out this week, and thanks to Dad for going all week without you, so we could be spoiled by you!

The Final Touch

2011-02-13T20:57:00.000-08:00

The day we arrived home from the hospital, my mother-in-law, Linda, had put Bellen's crib bedding in her room. It was a sweet surprise! It is more gorgeous than I even imagined! It is so girlie and fancy....Thank you Linda! We love it!

One Week Old!

2011-02-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that last week at this time we were at the hospital waiting for her to be born! Miss Bellen (my sweet peanut) is one week old today! Happy Birthday sweet angel!

We had her pictures taken yesterday at the house...thank you Rachael! Can't wait to see the rest!

4 Days Old Already!

2011-02-08T15:05:00.000-08:00

Bellen is 4 days old...we are loving loving her!

She has Arrived!

2011-02-07T16:37:00.000-08:00

Bellen Noelle Neese arrived Saturday, February 5th at 6:22pm. She weighed 7lbs. 7oz,, 19in long. She looks alot like big sister, Meran, who is holding her right now so I can blog! The kids are loving her...she is a very sweet, petite, baby girl! We praise God for her!

1 Day till D-Day!

2011-02-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

We just moved Sutton into a big boy bedroom 6 weeks ago...
I was thinking yesterday how today would be the last full day of Sutton being the "baby" of the family. I feel like this, about the youngest of each of my kids, whenever I am about to have another. I remember feeling almost guilty about it, concerning Meran, when I was about to have Jameson.
You think to yourself, "How can I have enough of myself for each child? How can I love another little person as much as I love this one?"
But, God swells your heart...making room, a new room, for the new child. Nothing changes(in your heart), except the amount of joy you have. God is good! It is a very small glimpse into the way God loves us, each individually, wanting the best for us....parenthood grows your walk with the Lord in many ways and insight is one of them.
So, today, I don't feel quite so sad for Sutton. Might also have something to do about him NOT wanting to be called baby (which i use often as a term of endearment). I will say, "Come on baby, let's go..." and he will reply, "Me no baby, me big boy Sutty!" (in a kinda deep, character-like voice).
Sutty-buddy....with your te-te(cozy blanky) and ah(pacifier)...welcome to the world of being a big brother. So glad you have a super one to look up to!

2 Days till D-Day!

2011-02-03T19:02:00.000-08:00

Yeah! Getting closer! Jason scratched his last 2 things off his "honey-do" list tonight. We brought this chandelier over from Meran's room. There is a cute fan/chandelier that we'd like to get for her to replace it, but won't do that until late spring. She really wants it and asks me frequently when she can get it...then she went to a birthday party last weekend and her friend had it in her bedroom! She is counting down til she can get it!

3 Days till D-Day!

2011-02-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

Last night we hung some cute word plaques above the crib....but I will post those when i reveal the bedding. These frames are "vintage" (in a way...) they were hanging in Meran's nursery and I have hung onto them these past, almost, 9 years! We use to have 3, but one didn't make it, having gotten stepped on. I found these ceramic rosette picture hangers on clearance (one of my favorite words!) at PBKids. The baby is having her first photo shoot 7 days after she is born, so I will fill them in with those pictures. I can't wait to see what she looks like and which of the kids she resembles, since I think Meran, Jameson and Sutton all look different!

4 Days till D-Day

2011-02-01T14:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, okay...so i can't keep a blog every single day (not sure how some of you do it!). But here are a few more pictures of her nursery...the best, the bedding, made by my mother-in-law, is still to come. As soon as it is in the crib I will post a picture! Feeling good-spent the morning with some of my MOPS group delivering Valentine's Day Cards to a Convalescent Home with the boys and then had a play/lunch date at the mall.

Jason and his brother, Than, installed this closet in her room. I love the space for organizing!

It is fun to do pink again!

Count Down to meet Baby Girl ...6 DAYS

2011-01-30T18:35:00.000-08:00

Jameson asks me daily, "how many days till the baby gets here?". So, I thought I'd post something everyday leading up to her delivery. As it stands now, we are scheduled to have her next Saturday, February 5th. We will go in for induction at 7am....keep us in your prayers. It never seems to be very "quick", but nevertheless, I am looking forward to it and meeting her!

A View of the Nursery

Gettin' Crafty

2011-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

Not sure where this came from? Perhaps from getting a HOBBY LOBBY store, or being 9 months pregnant with #4, but in the past month I have become interested in things that never before interested me. I have a silly dream (perhaps pipe) to become an etsy shop. Baking has always been my first love as far as hobbies go~so, maybe because i have had to cut down on that majorly, due to having gestational diabetes, I have filled the void with creating non-edibles. My mother-in-law came over last week to show me how to use the sewing machine they got me (at my request) 4 years ago for Christmas!
My first handmade creations are baby hair accessories and a few for Meran...

This weekend I am going to try my hand at Burpies! I can't wait...I have some yummy fabrics to use! Who knew I'd love going to JoAnn's Fabrics? Weird and mysterious, yet fun and satisfying!

Christmas Break....Part II (until i get my camera back!)

2011-01-18T23:02:00.000-08:00

I left my camera in OC, at our friends' home, so I don't have many pictures right now from the 2nd week of Christmas break. We were at my parents in Anaheim and had a fun time visiting with Uncle Benjamin, Aunt Kate, Uncle Dustin, Aunt Lauren and Addi, as well as Grandma & Grandpa(or PaPa-if you ask Sutton).

Jason had the college conference in San Diego most of the week, but I did get to join him for a few days~a real treat to get some time alone together (even if there were a bunch of College Students around us:)! While we were in San Diego, the kids visited the Irvine Park/Zoo with my parents. The kids LOVED this and still talk about it...especially Sutton! Each night, when we share at the dinner table our favorite part of our day, Sutton still says "Choo-choo ride with Papa"...he has said this every night since then! it made quite an impression, I guess!

We spent New Year's Day Eve at our long time family friends, The Munoz'. We gather to make tamales and visit...they are so hospitable and we look forward to this gathering every year!

(this is where i left my camera!)

Christmas Break Part I...fun, fun, fun!

2010-12-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

Dinner & Christmas Lights with friends

Lunch & Gift Exchange with more friends

The Annual Gingerbread Houses,

made with Grandma & Grandpa Neese

Cookie Decorating

Christmas Eve

Sutton got a puppy pillow pet

Jamers got a LOT of StarWars toys

Leaving Cookies for Santa & a Carrot for the Reindeer to share

Christmas Morning

Singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus

Modeling their snowflake necklaces that they crafted

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Our first part of the kids' Christmas break was filled with fun and festive Christmas activities...we saw a movie, made crafts, baked, delivered treats to the neighbors (the kids love to load up the wagon and deliver these with daddy)and spent time with friends, eating and taking in the sights of Christmas! It was our year to spend Christmas with the Neese side. On Christmas Eve, we went to church and then celebrated with cousins, aunts and uncles at Grandma & Grandpa Neese's house. We had a leisurely Christmas morning at home before heading back to Grandma & Grandpa's house, with our traditional breakfast-eggbake, cinnamon rolls and fruit, opened gifts & stockings and the kids enjoyed playing with ALL their new toys. The next day we packed up to drive south to spend time with my family in OC...more to come on those fun times on the next entry!

Meran's "Star Week"

2010-12-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

Last Friday Meran came home all happy & excited(well, she does most day really). She had good news! It was FINALLY her turn to be Star of the Week! This means that her teacher randomly selected her to have her special week in the classroom...She got to make a picture board of herself, fill out a paper about her favorite things, bring a special share item on Wednesday (which were her American Dolls) and bring a special treat to share one day (she chose to bring these adorable gingerbread people, which i ordered from a gal i go to MOPS with). Dad went to school on Thursday with her to help her hand out the treats, which made it extra special!

Jameson's Pre-K Christmas Program

2010-12-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

Wednesday was Jameson's Christmas program in his class...I couldn't stop laughing!
Not that it was funny, but so darn cute! Ofcourse, my boy was singing at the top of his lungs (a yell, really)-louder than all the other kids. He loves to sing and I can catch him singing throughout the day. Today his song choice was "Put one foot infront of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the doooooor" (from the vintage cartoon, Santa Claus is Coming to Town).
After the singing the kids decorated cookies...sugar overload!

in his handprint anteler hat

he got a little carried away with the sprinkles

with one of his teachers

Let the Christmas Festivities Begin!

2010-12-05T15:33:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was our annual Christmas get together with our friends, the Olson and Saltzman Families. We have been doing it 5 years now...hard to believe! This year we gathered at Kevin & Robyn's home....which is always a treat to one's senses! Robyn has a real knack for weaving creativity and whimsy throughout their comfortable and cozy home. They have recently converted their garage to a homeschool/playroom for the kids and it made the night so enjoyable for all! The grown-ups got to have conversation and a relaxing dinner and the kids were in heaven with the kid-friendly space, in which there were plenty of treats and fun for all!
This is one of the many delights of the Christmas season, enjoying sweet times with good friends.

The treats for the kids

An Unusal Choice...

2010-12-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

Last night we had spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread and broccoli. For dessert, homemade chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven. If it weren't for my gestational diabetes, I would have put down 3...easily.

Sutton, on the other hand, chose to spit his cookie out and opt for more broccoli. And, for some reason, he loves to eat the left over veggies from the pan. Not sure where he inherited these taste buds from...unusual, to say the least.

Meran's School Christmas Program

2010-12-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

Tueday night was Meran's Christmas program at school. One of the billion reasons I love her school is because we call it "Christmas" Program, and not "Holiday" Program. It was a sweet little performance with about 140 2nd & 3rd graders, about 5 stars that experienced the night Jesus was born. The boys stayed home with our babysitter and we enjoyed the evening with our (for now) only daughter. Afterwards, we gave her the choice of Satrbucks, for Hot Cocoa or Big Kahuna's (the newest frozen yogurt shop)...ofcourse, she wanted both, but her dad was able to sweet talk her into frozen yogurt (his fav!).

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

We spent Thanksgiving week in Orange County, with my family, this year. We packed it full of fun...a Disneyland visit, the movie "Tangled", Christmas shopping, pedicures for the girls, golfing for the boys and lots of quality time with my family!

The View was so beautiful on the drive there!

Disneyland!

Sutty's girlfriend, "Mimi"

Jameson knows how daddy likes his pumpkin pie...lots o' whip cream!(note how he is holding the canister like a gun-all boy!)

Meran helping prep dinner

My very creative aunt made this cool appetizer

Sutton enjoys eating pumpkin pie with both hands...who needs a fork anyway?

Sutty, Jason & Papa
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Thankful for...

Jesus & Salvation

My handsome & understanding husband

3 spunky, healthy kids

New baby girl coming

Our supportive family-both sides

Really good friends

Family Photos by Christie

2010-11-17T17:09:00.000-08:00

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We did a mini photo shoot this weekend in our yard, since my whole family was here.

My friend Christie took them...I think they turned out lovely.

Celebrating with Friends

2010-11-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

Meran helped me open gifts and was thrilled to be there!

With my mother-in-law, Linda

Mom, Kate & Lauren came up for occassion

Myself, with the hostess' with the most-est

Our Beautiful Table (customized by Karin)

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Some dear friends held an intimate luncheon on behalf of our new baby-girl-to-be at one of my favorite restaurant downtown, Cafe 225. Originally, I felt awkward about having a "shower" thrown for me. But, I do agree, that every baby deserves to be celebrated...and it isn't her fault she is 4th in line!
We lunched, talked and opened adorable pink gifts...a perfect afternoon.
It made it special, too, that my side of the family was able to come!

CVC Junior Cheer

2010-11-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

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Meran participated in a Junior Cheer Clinic that her school offered a few weeks ago. The following Friday night the girls got to cheer at the football game. Meran loved it...the song they danced to was the Beach Boys "California Girls".