Hitting The Wall.

There comes a time in every challenge one might face, where you just get plain sick of it! Fed up. Pissed Off. Ticked. Angry.
I hit my wall the other day, as I drove home from my appointment with the Radiologist Oncologist.
I yelled. Cussed. Screamed.
Tired of doctors appointments. Tired of worrying about my veins. Mad that my kids have to deal with this. Mad that I have to use energy on the "C" word rather than spend it on my children. Sick of not being able to be the kind of mom I desire to be when I don't feel well from chemo.
Truth be told, I am currently not happy with God. I know He is good. I know He is faithful. I know all these things in my head. But I do not currently feel them in my heart. But, as been told so many times before, love is not a feeling. So, I will work through this and dialogue with my God about my feelings. He knows. I know He knows. He knows I know He knows.
It is all part of the process, but I wanted to blog about it (the PG-13 version) because this blog is about my journey. Maybe it will help someone. Maybe it will make you pray more for me. Hopefully you won't feel sorry for me...I hate sympathy.
I will get through this...come out on the other side...because...
Jeremiah 29:11-14a
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity...