Representin'

Team Red Bulls representing, in honor of me, for Breast Cancer Awareness month...

"Activity"

Radio"activity" update:

I completed day one of my radiation...its was no big deal. But, at the same time, I'm hoping it's a huge deal...as in killing that cancer in the bone. The main objective here is to stop the pain that the bone cancer was causing. It is not expected to have any affect on the "too many to count" nodules that are lining the inside of part of me (leaving that up to the oral chemo).  But, it's still a positive result, so for that, I'll be thankful!:)

Physical"activity" update:

Last Friday was the Rock Academy Jog-a-thon. The theme was "super heroes". The boys' classes had  specific themes to dress in...Super Kinder Ninjas & Spy Superheros. The Jr High & High Schoolers got to dress in their own superhero themed costumes. Meran chose "breast cancer awareness super hero". Awesome.

Thank you to EVERYONE who continues to support and love on us for almost 5 months strong now, as we continue to walk this road, having full faith in Jesus, that He has a plan for our lives, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). The meals, the cards, the fund donations, the prayers...they all equally give us encouragement and strength in this journey. Thank you. 

Slow motion

I haven't blogged cus there is nothing new...worth blogging anyway. Lotsa waiting on a very slow insurance company...feeling like last week was in slow motion regarding treatment. Apparently, cancer isn't a pressing issue in their book. But it is in mine, so I'm letting them know;). 

I did get out with my mom a bit last week after surgery week... And while we were out, I saw a pillow that had a very appropriate saying.

Truth.

I was finally able to start my oral chemo yesterday (Tuesday) evening. It's 3 pills 2x/day...14 days on, 7 days off. I've had 2 doses and no side effects yet. It may be accumulative....but expecting the best:).

I start radiation one week from today, for 5 days. I went for my simulation on Monday. It will be a high dose in the sternum and the second anterior rib-targeting the cancer in the bone there. I'm looking forward to it very much because those areas have become very sore (like a bad bruise that hurts when touched). 

Have a happy day (hint: be thankful:))!

Lover & A Fighter

September was childhood cancer awareness month, October is breast cancer awareness month, and the list goes on. I usually am not into this kind of thing, especially when it comes to consumer products because I often feel that a very very small percent actually goes to the cancer research. So I question the motive...has it all become a gimmicky bandwagon? Who am I to say. I'm probably tainted anyway.

I did however purchase this shirt at forever 21 last week. It cost $12 and a whole $1 went to cancer research. Hmmm.

Anyway, it's fitting to wear today.

The Cancer Coaster

About noon, as I was waking up from the anesthesia after surgery, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "I want off this crazy Cancer coaster!" (Although perhaps I was thinking other choice words;)

Coasters, as in Rollercoasters, have ups & downs, sharp turns, sometimes even flip you upside down. Cancer, or any "shake your world" trial for that matter, can do any and all of these things at any moment.

I checked in this morning at 5:30am for my 7:30am oophorectomy. The surgery was only a hour and went as planned....mostly. 

The part nobody planned for was when the camera picked up...

 wait for it......

More Cancer.

And I'm not talking about on the ovaries, that are currently at pathology, but are 99% expected to be cancerous (actually this is a blessing-I'll explain later). Cancer was found in tiny nodules over the lining of my stomach wall. Similar to the way it is on my left side chest wall lining. 

All the surgeon said to Jason was that she found "a fair amount of cancer". I made him tell me, poor guy. And I had a strong urge to either curl up in a ball and never speak again or hide and never be found. I was thrown for a flip you upside down move on that coaster that I did not see coming. I wasn't sure if I should be mad, sad or bad (you know, as in going to throw a grown up temper-tantrum and no one is gonna stop bad).

Finally, we made it home, after I woke up enough to be discharged and realized I was not going to be able to disappear.

Slowly, God was stirring in my heart. I had no words to pray. 

I ate salad and I took a nap. 

When I woke up, I lay there thinking, digesting it all with the help of the Holy Spirit. My oncologist called. It was 5:10pm on a Friday and she has a family. I was sooo incredible grateful for her calling.

She explained that the surgeon had come by her office to show her the pictures and she then relayed where the cancer was. It was so small that none of my 3 types of scans showed them. Also, if I would have chosen to stick with the Lupron shots, believing the first MRI results of the growths being only benign cysts & not malignancies were true, saying no to the oophorectomy, I wouldn't have found these cancer deposits until they had possibly grown into a mass, interfering with my organs. 

Wow.

That's God's favor as I see it.

There are several ways I can go for treatment (yeah for options)...and my current decision may come to a halt if the cancer profiling gives us some definite answers in 3-4 weeks. But, currently I'm going to begin an oral chemo. It does not cause hair loss (both Jameson & I are very happy about this) and does not require a poke (my veins reaaalllly were happy about this:). The hope is that this type of chemo (different from the previous chemo I had) will actually work. It's worth a shot and we'll know soon by testing my tumor markers (if they go down) and it may help my pleural effusion issue if those nodules are effected by the chemo. PLEASE PRAY THIS CHEMO WORKS.

We will have an answer to the cancer profiling within the month and that may lead us to another medicine, or not, and we'll know that door is closed. And then lastly, there are additional estrogen inhibitors (ais) I can take for extra estrogen blocking, because even with your ovaries out, your body can still make a small amount of estrogen (crazy, right?). I won't take the chemo & ais together because studies show they may work against each other.

God reminded me tonight that He has me where He wants me. In a place to glorify Him, and if I waste this opportunity to love Him in this teeny way compared to His huge sacrifice & love for me (and you!), then it will sadly all be in vain.

After all, Rollercoasters aren't so scary when you are holding a big, strong hand.

The Greenest Grass

The grass is greenest in the place you are suppose to be. There will always be someone worse off. There are always one thousand things to be thankful for. I am learning that when I am in a place of constant commun with Jesus my grass is the greenest place for me. 

There is no where else I'd rather be. 

It's in this place where He grows me (growing pains, sometimes), strengthens me, calms me, heals me (spiritually, which has an eternal place over physical healing) and loves me (patiently waiting for me to "get it"). 

Psalm 91:1-2

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "he is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."