The Cancer Coaster

About noon, as I was waking up from the anesthesia after surgery, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "I want off this crazy Cancer coaster!" (Although perhaps I was thinking other choice words;)

Coasters, as in Rollercoasters, have ups & downs, sharp turns, sometimes even flip you upside down. Cancer, or any "shake your world" trial for that matter, can do any and all of these things at any moment.

I checked in this morning at 5:30am for my 7:30am oophorectomy. The surgery was only a hour and went as planned....mostly. 

The part nobody planned for was when the camera picked up...

 wait for it......

More Cancer.

And I'm not talking about on the ovaries, that are currently at pathology, but are 99% expected to be cancerous (actually this is a blessing-I'll explain later). Cancer was found in tiny nodules over the lining of my stomach wall. Similar to the way it is on my left side chest wall lining. 

All the surgeon said to Jason was that she found "a fair amount of cancer". I made him tell me, poor guy. And I had a strong urge to either curl up in a ball and never speak again or hide and never be found. I was thrown for a flip you upside down move on that coaster that I did not see coming. I wasn't sure if I should be mad, sad or bad (you know, as in going to throw a grown up temper-tantrum and no one is gonna stop bad).

Finally, we made it home, after I woke up enough to be discharged and realized I was not going to be able to disappear.

Slowly, God was stirring in my heart. I had no words to pray. 

I ate salad and I took a nap. 

When I woke up, I lay there thinking, digesting it all with the help of the Holy Spirit. My oncologist called. It was 5:10pm on a Friday and she has a family. I was sooo incredible grateful for her calling.

She explained that the surgeon had come by her office to show her the pictures and she then relayed where the cancer was. It was so small that none of my 3 types of scans showed them. Also, if I would have chosen to stick with the Lupron shots, believing the first MRI results of the growths being only benign cysts & not malignancies were true, saying no to the oophorectomy, I wouldn't have found these cancer deposits until they had possibly grown into a mass, interfering with my organs. 

Wow.

That's God's favor as I see it.

There are several ways I can go for treatment (yeah for options)...and my current decision may come to a halt if the cancer profiling gives us some definite answers in 3-4 weeks. But, currently I'm going to begin an oral chemo. It does not cause hair loss (both Jameson & I are very happy about this) and does not require a poke (my veins reaaalllly were happy about this:). The hope is that this type of chemo (different from the previous chemo I had) will actually work. It's worth a shot and we'll know soon by testing my tumor markers (if they go down) and it may help my pleural effusion issue if those nodules are effected by the chemo. PLEASE PRAY THIS CHEMO WORKS.

We will have an answer to the cancer profiling within the month and that may lead us to another medicine, or not, and we'll know that door is closed. And then lastly, there are additional estrogen inhibitors (ais) I can take for extra estrogen blocking, because even with your ovaries out, your body can still make a small amount of estrogen (crazy, right?). I won't take the chemo & ais together because studies show they may work against each other.

God reminded me tonight that He has me where He wants me. In a place to glorify Him, and if I waste this opportunity to love Him in this teeny way compared to His huge sacrifice & love for me (and you!), then it will sadly all be in vain.

After all, Rollercoasters aren't so scary when you are holding a big, strong hand.