Just the Facts of my Current Matters

Because I (don't) love the hospital so much, I went back for a 3 night stay Thursday after I got out from my Appendectomy. I had been having a lot of discomfort from my pericardial effusion (fluid filling the sack around my heart). In order to get it taken care of immediately, my oncologist encouraged me to go to the ER. I was having my procedure, in the Cath Lab (similar to a surgical room) within a few hours  of being admitted. After extracting the fluid (about a liter & a quarter and dropping a few lbs just like that;), they put in a temporary drain that reached 8 inches up near my heart and came out the middle of my lower chest. Gross, I know. This was to allow any fluid left behind to escape.

Because of the tube and the procedure, I had to be in ICU overnight. Fortunately the next day I was moved to the regular cardiac floor, where I stayed for 2 addition nights. By the 4th day, I finally passed the test, draining less than 50 milliliters within a 24 hr period, and had the drain pull out (yikes!).

The pathology report showed there was cancer in the fluid. I currently, one week later, have a "trace" amount of fluid around the heart and will keep an eye on it with weekly echocardiograms. I also have a small to medium pleural effusion again, something that I battled in 2014/early 2015. I'll take care of that this coming week, with a little procedure.

Because the oral chemo seemed to becoming less and less effective, I switched this week to a targeted therapy, which had been tested on the biopsy taken from a tumor that was removed last year. These new meds seemed to have an effect on "part" of my cancer's makeup, when testing was done. Praying this is enough to make a difference on my current situation.

I completed radiation last week, on the two spots that were showing activity. I had a scan Friday and found out that there were 2 additional spots, on my left shoulder and left hip, that "lit up". Super discouraging news. I've been in a bit of a "downcast" soul 'tude. I know where I need to be, and will eventually get there. But for now, I need a pity party. (Though thankfully, I'm kind of in the after-party stage now). It's ok to have these times. As long as you don't stay there. (Reminder to self)

All this new, "bad" news, has been coming in wave after wave, hardly giving me a chance to catch my breathe. The reality of the meaning of a terminal illness has become more real this month with 2 hospital stays and lots of extra tests. We have had so many people come along side us with meals and prayers and encouragement and we are very thankful. It's such a longgggg journey, thank you for not getting weary of our story.

And while it's been very discouraging being on a downhill swing, I know how truly good I have it that I'm still walking around, participating in every day activities, seeming pretty normal.

I'm currently reading A Place of Healing, by Joni Eareckson Tada, that my mom had given me last month. It's so so good. Joni talks about wrestling with the mysteries of suffering, pain and God's Sovereignty. The fact is, is that as much as people want to see those who are hurting healed, not everyone is meant to be healed in this temporary life. This actually is more comforting to me than the fact that people pray for healing and then are not healed here on earth and then wrestling with why God didn't heal them. By His stripes we are healed Isaiah 53:5b...certainly saving us from our sins and giving us a hope and future! But when it comes to physical ailments, perhaps some of us must wait for Heaven, our real and eternal home, to receive physical healing. I'm not claiming God isn't going to heal me here, in this life time on earth, only He knows that. But, I'm learning, at a new level, what it means for my will to be in line with His will for my life. So, so, so much harder than it seems. But, unlike me, who sees life in 2 parts-earth and heaven, He sees the big, full picture, end and all.