Grace Undeserved

I admit, with humility, that I've never really struggled with feeling "undeserving". Perhaps it has to do with my comfortable, safe upbringing...in a middle class, christian home, 2 parents, you get the picture. Recently, with the good news of my cancer getting smaller, I now understand what it means to feel undeserving. Not undeserving because I'm not worth the good news and hopeful outlook. But, rather, an overwhelming feeling of awe that God has been so gracious to me...When there are others fighting cancer, that are given the number of days they most likely will have until their last day, or some that have recently lost part of themselves because their child has lost the earthly battle with their disease (though they have gained freedom in their eternity). Seeing this, it makes me 1000x more grateful! 

But God's grace abounds even if the news wasn't good. And therein lies the mystery of wrestling with trials. God is there in the pain. God is there in the joy. God is there as death stares you in the face. God is there as you look into the eyes of new life. He is never absent, and that is what brings the grace. The hands that carry you through both the valleys and peaks. Those hands that I do not deserve, none of us deserve...but they stretched out anyway, on that cross, welcoming our everything, being enough for our every situation. The cross x-ed out whether we deserve His grace or not. It's not our choice or anything of our own account. He made us worthy. And for that I will constantly feel undeserving.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 (Paul writing)

But he said to me, " my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses. " Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.