Friday, January 27, 2012


Blessings come in all shapes and sizes.
Here are a few ways I have been blessed the past few days...
1)Nurse Dan found a good vein, right blown veins, no pain!
2)Bellen has been sleeping all night~finally (since that sweet little baby is about to be 1!)
3)Many sweet people have brought us meals
4)I have found a medicine that holds back much of bothersome physical side effects for this particular tingly hands (ok, a little tingly, but bear-able!)

I love the Lord, because he has heard My voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me. Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
Gracious is the Lord and righteous; Yes, our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; I was brought low and he saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, For the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
Psalm 116:1-2, 5-7
4 of my favorite blessings

Monday, January 23, 2012

Food for Thought

Jason and I drove up to Visalia this weekend for our belated "Going Away" Gathering at Grace Community. The trip gave us some good car communication time (the best kind when because there are no distractions and you are stuck with each other!). We were talking about prayer...whether or not it changes ones circumstances... We talked about the idea of "fake it til ya feel it". Which is what I am currently trying to practice. Loving God because I know He is good.
Because of my "circumstance" I may not feel it. But, my feelings will follow.
Years ago, I remember being in a Bible Study where we talked about not letting your circumstances determine your attitude. As women, this is especially challenging because we are so passionate and emotionally driven (not all, but most more then men). I have also been thinking about where I placed, and temporarily lost, my "eternal perspective glasses". This happens on occasion. I take them off and set them down, not remembering that I even have them. Then, I get in some kind of tizzy, that lasts a short period of time, or until it dawns on me...I have taken my eternal perspective glasses off and have been looking at things all wrong.
We were not created for this world. This world is not how God intended it to be. This is all SO temporary. Even my situation is so temporary, especially compared to others who live with their situation permanently. But even theirs is temporary, though the pain here on earth(emotional or physical) may seem unbearable, it will indeed subside on that glorious day when we fall at the feet of our creator.
They lay their crowns before the throne and say,
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things. and by your will they were created and  have their being."
Revelation 4:10b-11

Friday, January 20, 2012

Hitting The Wall.

There comes a time in every challenge one might face, where you just get plain sick of it! Fed up. Pissed Off. Ticked. Angry.
I hit my wall the other day, as I drove home from my appointment with the Radiologist Oncologist.
I yelled. Cussed. Screamed.
Tired of doctors appointments. Tired of worrying about my veins. Mad that my kids have to deal with this. Mad that I have to use energy on the "C" word rather than spend it on my children. Sick of not being able to be the kind of mom I desire to be when I don't feel well from chemo.
Truth be told, I am currently not happy with God. I know He is good. I know He is faithful. I know all these things in my head. But I do not currently feel them in my heart. But, as been told so many times before, love is not a feeling. So, I will work through this and dialogue with my God about my feelings. He knows. I know He knows. He knows I know He knows.
It is all part of the process, but I wanted to blog about it (the PG-13 version) because this blog is about my journey. Maybe it will help someone. Maybe it will make you pray more for me. Hopefully you won't feel sorry for me...I hate sympathy.
I will get through this...come out on the other side...because...
Jeremiah 29:11-14a
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity...

Monday, January 16, 2012

Weekend "Away"

Jason had a wedding to officiate this past weekend, in Visalia. Since I was coming off treatment he took the 3 oldest kids with him. They had a great time visiting with friends and family! They even got to visit their old classmates and Lily dog-who has a wonderful new home on 10 acres.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Treatment 5 of 8 Update

I just got home from my first treatment at the Moores Cancer, Infusion Center. It was a very good experience, although I had a moment of worry regarding my vein. For those of you that have been kindly following my blog, you know that this has been my #1 prayer request-that my veins would hold up so I don't have to get a port.
I had both of my nurses try to go thru a new vein, because my vein that is usually used was still sore from last treatment. Both veins they tried blew. I was getting nervous. I whispered to Jason to text everyone to pray! A male nurse gave it a try and used some unconventional methods, but got the needle(a smaller size) in a different vein! I was so thankful and relieved. Thank you for all that prayed. Please keep praying for the next 3 chemos, that my "good" vein heals & can be used.
Today, before I left, I read my devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I accidentally read the entry for tomorrow, but it was meant to be. The perfect words for me this week. Since, I learned that I will most likely have to have radiation between surgery and reconstruction (which I was hoping to be spared). I felt disappointed at first, after speaking with the surgeon (although i loved her!). But, after having some time to digest the road ahead, I realized I just need to take it all in stride, one step at a time. And keep my eyes on the Lord, in whom my future has hope.
Here is the entry:
Let me prepare you for the day that stretches out before you. I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it. You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey. You'd feel more prepared if you could somehow visualize what is on what is on the road ahead. However, there is a better way to be prepared for whatever you will encounter today; Spend quality time with Me. I will not show you what is on the road ahead , but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey. My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way. Stay in continual communication with me, whispering My Name whenever you need to redirect your thoughts. Thus, you can walk through this day with your focus on Me. My abiding Presence is the best road map available.
Exodus 33:14, John 15:4-7

Saturday, January 7, 2012

A Day on Coronado

Today we packed a picnic and drove over to Coronado Island. It was breezy and 64*, but we didn't mind! The kids played in the sand, water & climbed on the rocks with Jason. Bellen sat on the towel with me and played with shells. She touched the sand once and shivered...I am taking that as a sign she didn't like it.
After the beach we met some friends, that live in Coronado, at yogurt and then visited with them for awhile. The kids had such a fun time playing together, before we knew it it was dinner time! They graciously invited us for dinner and we stayed. It was a fun and relaxing day.
Bellen "drove" to Starbucks with Daddy before we left

Not a fan of sand

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Back to (New) School

Meran & Jameson began their new school Tuesday, The Rock Academy. The kids walk 2 blocks (with Jason) to school, class sizes are small and the kids wear uniforms. The have had so many changes in the past few months and they have been troopers. Meran, of course, has found her groove among the 3 other girls in her class (yes, the class size is 16 and only 4 of the students are girls!). The new curriculum really has been good for her and she is already hard at work. Jameson has found his playground buddy in a boy named Christian, and 2 other boys that he identifies by their looks, since he can't seem to remember their names(eh...details, right!?) He is doing great with reading, but a teeny frustrated that he has to begin learning cursive in kindergarten. Also, he is having to wear his shirt tucked in, with a belt, which we have never done with him (since its not really his "style"). But, he is loving going to the park in the afternoons with Jason and the other kids, once homework is complete. I love this too, because it gives me an hour of calm before the storm (i.e. baths, dinner, memory verses, reading, bedtime). We are settling into life here in San Diego. Today, as I drove along Sea World Drive, coming home from some errands, I was thinking how I can hardly believe we are here. Last year at this time we were anticipating Bellen's arrival, which that in itself was exciting and life changing. But, the Lord had so much more in store and we had no idea. It really goes to prove who is in control, huh? We are enjoying this adventure He is leading us on. (Stretch-Stretch-Stretch:)
First Day of School

Making friends

Bellen cruisin' to the park in her new ride from Grandma & Grandpa Neese

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