We recently put our home, that we own in the Central Valley, up for sale. I started decorating my new SD house in my head as soon as that for sale sign went up! I didn't even care if the house we bought was tiny, old or needed lots of tlc...as long as it was ours. Well, our house never sold, and we have renters once again occupying it. I was thankful to have renters, but so disappointed we'd have to continue renting here in SD. I want to "own" my office...paint without asking, remodel if I thought the space could be used better.
I was kind of having an internal pity party about it too.
Then, a few Sundays ago, during worship at church, the Lord spoke to my heart. I realized I had been living with a dream, that possibly was not the dream the Lord had for me. One of my main reasons for wanting a house is to plan for the future. If my health deteriorates, it seemed, in my mind, that I'd feel so much more peaceful if I knew Jason and the kids were set up in "our" home. It's hard to imagine them setting up house without me one day. I know, these are sad scenarios, but I'm just looking to the future...I'm a planner, what can I say!;)
But the Lord reminded me that He cares for Jason and the kids soooo much more than I do. It's hard to imagine, but I have to believe this, in faith, because He says it to be true in His word. And He does not go back on Him promises.
I think that the best for them is for us to own a house, but maybe it's not that big of a deal. And just because I think it is best, does NOT mean it is God's best, which of course is the best best!
We are all together. My kids are healthy. Jason has a job. We have a (nice) roof over our heads. Our basic needs are met and our cup overflows! Joy fills our house...of course not all the time, but a good amount of it.
I felt entitled, like I should have a house. But seriously, who of us deserves anything? The word blessed is thrown around so much, but truly, we are. Perhaps the word Kharis is a better word...
Kharis: undeserved kindness (Ephesians 2:8).
So I'm working on releasing my sense of entitlement and being content where I am and with what I have. And it feels good.