Since June, I, along with our whole family, have been the recipients of the selfless giving of others. From meals, to money for my oxygen therapy, gift cards, a car (Dad, wow, still blown away by this), and several fundraisers, both in the past and near future, along with so much more...
It can feel so uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of these generous gifts. The Lord is teaching me so many lessons as we journey down this road. The most recent one I'm still trying to work through is humility. Please don't mistake this challenge I'm having with digesting this lesson for ungratefulness! I'm often made speechless by the generosity of others. It's just so odd to be on this receiving end...still! Not odd that cancer is a thread of our families everyday fibers so much, but the fact that so many, even those we don't know me, would be so gracious and generous. Sometimes I feel unworthy. Sometimes I feel embarrassed. Sometimes it feels awkward. But I know that it is God's provision and His loving hand taking care of us through others. And when I remember that, I get over myself, and rest in the place of humility and gratefulness.
Recently, my wise-beyond-her-years-12-year-old-daughter helped me gain insight. She said, maybe God was sometimes using the giving in those who gave, to teach them too. We are receiving the material blessing, but perhaps God was blessing the giver also. I'll never know until I'm face to face with the Lord and can ask Him. But honestly it doesn't matter. It's just a gentle reminder that God loves me and He is with us through this every step. And I mean life, not just cancer.
Last week I started to feel some familiar twinges of pain that I hadn't felt in awhile. I was also feeling tired. I started to think perhaps the fluid was back, surrounding the left lung. I went for a chest X-ray Friday and it came back clear! Also I had my 'in between chemo cycles' bloodwork and my tumor marker is down a 1/2 point....I'll take it!!:)
I'll meet with my oncologist Monday to go over the bloodwork. Guessing the tiredness is just from being on the oral chemo for 5 cycles now. It's funny how, once I started to feel so good and " normal", it was easy to push the fact that I have cancer to the back of my brain...and tuck it away in a box. But, it's still there (thankfully much smaller then before!) and the scare last week snapped me back into reality, reminding me how quickly things can change. So, I'll cling on to the gratitude of feeling good and keeping "it" at bay.
Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness.
Here's what we did this weekend...
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