|Before with my hairdresser, Amy|
I cut my hair short in hopes to get the satisfaction of getting to it before the medicine makes it fall out. They say it happens around day 20 which is about a week & a half from now. The thought of it falling out "long" (how I would refer to my hair, considering how short I have had it for so long) seemed like it would be creepier than if I cut it short. I know it is a reality of the medicine (the hair loss) and have told my kids not to think of me losing my hair due to the cancer, but rather because of the medicine that will make me better.
Tonight, as I was looking at the pictures that Becca took of our family last month, I started to cry. It surprised me that I would cry over my hair. Or, maybe it was just the mourning, that comes for a brief moment from time to time, about what cancer takes from you. In moments like this I HAVE to turn to Jesus, to Scripture, to refocus. It sucks, and I think it is ok to say so. But, one has to be so careful to not miss the blessings that are gifted from walking this path, with Jesus. So, let me take a minute to remind myself, "Britton, stay focused on Jesus. He is in control. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain!"
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me. I will call on Him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:1-7
Prayer request: Please pray for "strong veins". So far, so good (thank you Jesus). The thought of a port (which I would need if my veins no longer can take the chemo) makes me anxious.